Captivating: Beauty to Unveil
This section was hard for me to swallow. Instantly the word beauty is like cold ice running down my back. I mean its there and then its gone its this and its that. It makes you feel good an hurts you at the same time. Beauty is a farce. Right? Well now I dont know. I mean beauty I guess gets a bad wrap because in our society we make it more of a physical thing. Beauty is how you wear your hair, the clothes you wear and how much they cost, the size of your waste, the bulge of da bust. I mean beauty has always been to me something I want but in the end felt bad about trying so deeply to achieve.
Beauty is girls and handsome is boys. Beauty is pink, and sparkles, and... blonde.
Beauty has made me terribly sad when I didnt have "it". I used to cry, I used to cover the mirror in my bathroom because I didnt want to see myself get out of the shower. I got to the point where everytime I walked past a mirror I would make a crazy face at it so I didnt have to deal with the fact that I really didnt like my own face. How is this feeling good!? Why would I want to achieve it? I DONT KNOW I JUST DO!!
Then one day I lost loads of weight. I was sick, sick as a dog. For months. I couldnt eat. 6 months of this. And BAM... a princess was born! I felt like crap all the time but I sang and danced everywhere! I was "BEAUTIFUL". I was a size 6-8 my face was thin. I was losing hair by the handfuls because I had no nutrition in my body but WOW I looked not too shabby when I walked past that mirror.
What did this get me? Creepy guys. So very many creepy guys. I remember in England Ashley and I were walking down the road and these guys approached us. One of them got uncomfertabley close and started asking me questions. Ashley the amazing sister she is got in full protection mode. But these guys were so toasted they didnt really seem to notice Ashley's mood change to guardian sister. One guy said "what you do for..." and made a gesture. I pretended to not understand. He said it again. My stomach started to curl. I was totally freaked out. I knew Ash would try and do something if things started to get worse and I didnt want her to get hurt. And I was clearly worried about other things at this point too. Duh. And then ... God came flying down... one of the other guys said "leave her alone man she is just trying to enjoy her vacation. You are freaking her out." I know he saw Ashley I just know he did, but at that moment God used that man as a vessel to keep us safe Im sure he did. Then as if to let me know that this world is a scary place and just to finish off the "I hate my beauty" moment the creepy man leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Then started to walk really fast because Ashley stepped forward, haha. When I looked down at my hands they were shaking. I didnt want to be beautiful anymore.
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I know a lot of history there sorry. But I kept reading on about beauty, and I made a realization. Beauty can be physical but the beauty we want people to see is who we are. What makes us good. What makes us sought after. We dont have to be gorgeous. It feels nice sometimes, but beauty is what we do for others, how we love someone, our compassion. Woman dont see this. They are caught up in the other kind of beauty, but God doesnt even see that beauty. He sees the true us. And I realized after reading this section that GOD is the one I want to think I am beautiful. He is the one that matters! I wish people knew that. I really do.
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3 comments:
and you are so beautiful princess Heather! i remember that guy in england. i remember being so absolutely pissed that he was treating you like nothing BECAUSE you were beautiful. its so funny that you said that about being protective. i feel like i play that role often. di has this thing she calls her "slapping anointing". Its hilarious. When someone has a deceitful spirit she has the urge to slap them! i have a similar anointing. the "kick them where it hurts anointing". this guy came up to morgan the other day (we're standing right next to each other mind you) and suddenly, he transforms. a total personality flop. this seemingly normal guy just going along and then, boom, his walk gets aggressive, his voice gets gruffy, everything he says seems abrupt, intrusive, suggestive. horrible, go to prison thoughts are going through his head. morgan has no idea. but i knew. i could "feel" it. i think if morgan knew every time it happened she'd go crazy. i think God just protects her from it. and for me its stronger than average. and i hate it. i hate that the beautiful need protection from those that have no respect for it. they are "responding" to her beauty, but they are not becoming valiant warriors. they are becoming a$$h*les.
and i love your realization about beauty. i love that God does not look at that beauty. i love that there is a beauty way beyond anything most of the world perceives. and it is not in how beautiful we sound, but in the grace and love our words reveal... not in how we shake our hips, but in how confidently we walk in who Jesus has made us... not in the symmetry of our face or the proportion of our bodies, but in how many times our arms go around someone who needs a hug, or our eyes shed tears for the pain of another, or our smiles brighten a place with joy...
isn't that a great book!? LOVE YOU
"and i love your realization about beauty. i love that God does not look at that beauty. i love that there is a beauty way beyond anything most of the world perceives. and it is not in how beautiful we sound, but in the grace and love our words reveal... not in how we shake our hips, but in how confidently we walk in who Jesus has made us... not in the symmetry of our face or the proportion of our bodies, but in how many times our arms go around someone who needs a hug, or our eyes shed tears for the pain of another, or our smiles brighten a place with joy..."
AMEN SISTA
I love you so much you are so good at making me see things... even if I already kinda knew it was there you have this way of being the one that shows me what to focus on!
haha! I'm like one of those laser pointers! I pinpoint what ya need to see from far away! Call me "laser"! Oh my goofiness! Its late! I better go to bed! I LOVE YOU, NIGHT, SWEET DREAMS!
And I just want to let you know that you so often put into words what I am thinking or feeling and have not yet found a way to express and I am SO thankful for you!
-ash pie
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