Captivating Chapter 1: By Way of the Heart
The end of Chapter 1... wow only 1 chapter and already I see why this book is an important part of my life. Sometimes though as I'm reading it I think to myself. Am I really ready to find out who I am. To discover me. Because what if I do and it is someone different than I thought I was. It scares me. Because how will I be able to fulfill the new found needs Im already starting to feel. How will I make my life more what I want it to be. How do I be strong. How to do all this and still feel fulfilled and happy. WOW. ok!
but none the less... i found myself reading
"You can find that life- If you are willing to embark on a great adventure."
I wrote in my book. Sure! Lets begin! without even thinking about it. So as scared as I feel I must be willing and ready because I already confirmed that in my writing in the book. SO...
LETS BEGIN!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Captivating 10.18.2008
Captivating: The Heart of a Man
Ok so this may be the first and most dissapointing chapter for me... Im don't mean that people arent like this but so far in my life there is only 1 man, if he so be called that, that is that way and that is JESUS... I have never in my life met a man like this chapter explains. Not my Dad, my brother, my other dad, or... my husband. None of them have these male qualities that are explained. I dont know if I'm supposed to be sad that I dont know a man like this, or annoyed that maybe this section isnt true. I just dont know. Jesus is like that though. He is my HERO!
Ok so this may be the first and most dissapointing chapter for me... Im don't mean that people arent like this but so far in my life there is only 1 man, if he so be called that, that is that way and that is JESUS... I have never in my life met a man like this chapter explains. Not my Dad, my brother, my other dad, or... my husband. None of them have these male qualities that are explained. I dont know if I'm supposed to be sad that I dont know a man like this, or annoyed that maybe this section isnt true. I just dont know. Jesus is like that though. He is my HERO!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Captivating 10.07.2008
Captivating: Beauty to Unveil
This section was hard for me to swallow. Instantly the word beauty is like cold ice running down my back. I mean its there and then its gone its this and its that. It makes you feel good an hurts you at the same time. Beauty is a farce. Right? Well now I dont know. I mean beauty I guess gets a bad wrap because in our society we make it more of a physical thing. Beauty is how you wear your hair, the clothes you wear and how much they cost, the size of your waste, the bulge of da bust. I mean beauty has always been to me something I want but in the end felt bad about trying so deeply to achieve.
Beauty is girls and handsome is boys. Beauty is pink, and sparkles, and... blonde.
Beauty has made me terribly sad when I didnt have "it". I used to cry, I used to cover the mirror in my bathroom because I didnt want to see myself get out of the shower. I got to the point where everytime I walked past a mirror I would make a crazy face at it so I didnt have to deal with the fact that I really didnt like my own face. How is this feeling good!? Why would I want to achieve it? I DONT KNOW I JUST DO!!
Then one day I lost loads of weight. I was sick, sick as a dog. For months. I couldnt eat. 6 months of this. And BAM... a princess was born! I felt like crap all the time but I sang and danced everywhere! I was "BEAUTIFUL". I was a size 6-8 my face was thin. I was losing hair by the handfuls because I had no nutrition in my body but WOW I looked not too shabby when I walked past that mirror.
What did this get me? Creepy guys. So very many creepy guys. I remember in England Ashley and I were walking down the road and these guys approached us. One of them got uncomfertabley close and started asking me questions. Ashley the amazing sister she is got in full protection mode. But these guys were so toasted they didnt really seem to notice Ashley's mood change to guardian sister. One guy said "what you do for..." and made a gesture. I pretended to not understand. He said it again. My stomach started to curl. I was totally freaked out. I knew Ash would try and do something if things started to get worse and I didnt want her to get hurt. And I was clearly worried about other things at this point too. Duh. And then ... God came flying down... one of the other guys said "leave her alone man she is just trying to enjoy her vacation. You are freaking her out." I know he saw Ashley I just know he did, but at that moment God used that man as a vessel to keep us safe Im sure he did. Then as if to let me know that this world is a scary place and just to finish off the "I hate my beauty" moment the creepy man leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Then started to walk really fast because Ashley stepped forward, haha. When I looked down at my hands they were shaking. I didnt want to be beautiful anymore.
----
I know a lot of history there sorry. But I kept reading on about beauty, and I made a realization. Beauty can be physical but the beauty we want people to see is who we are. What makes us good. What makes us sought after. We dont have to be gorgeous. It feels nice sometimes, but beauty is what we do for others, how we love someone, our compassion. Woman dont see this. They are caught up in the other kind of beauty, but God doesnt even see that beauty. He sees the true us. And I realized after reading this section that GOD is the one I want to think I am beautiful. He is the one that matters! I wish people knew that. I really do.
This section was hard for me to swallow. Instantly the word beauty is like cold ice running down my back. I mean its there and then its gone its this and its that. It makes you feel good an hurts you at the same time. Beauty is a farce. Right? Well now I dont know. I mean beauty I guess gets a bad wrap because in our society we make it more of a physical thing. Beauty is how you wear your hair, the clothes you wear and how much they cost, the size of your waste, the bulge of da bust. I mean beauty has always been to me something I want but in the end felt bad about trying so deeply to achieve.
Beauty is girls and handsome is boys. Beauty is pink, and sparkles, and... blonde.
Beauty has made me terribly sad when I didnt have "it". I used to cry, I used to cover the mirror in my bathroom because I didnt want to see myself get out of the shower. I got to the point where everytime I walked past a mirror I would make a crazy face at it so I didnt have to deal with the fact that I really didnt like my own face. How is this feeling good!? Why would I want to achieve it? I DONT KNOW I JUST DO!!
Then one day I lost loads of weight. I was sick, sick as a dog. For months. I couldnt eat. 6 months of this. And BAM... a princess was born! I felt like crap all the time but I sang and danced everywhere! I was "BEAUTIFUL". I was a size 6-8 my face was thin. I was losing hair by the handfuls because I had no nutrition in my body but WOW I looked not too shabby when I walked past that mirror.
What did this get me? Creepy guys. So very many creepy guys. I remember in England Ashley and I were walking down the road and these guys approached us. One of them got uncomfertabley close and started asking me questions. Ashley the amazing sister she is got in full protection mode. But these guys were so toasted they didnt really seem to notice Ashley's mood change to guardian sister. One guy said "what you do for..." and made a gesture. I pretended to not understand. He said it again. My stomach started to curl. I was totally freaked out. I knew Ash would try and do something if things started to get worse and I didnt want her to get hurt. And I was clearly worried about other things at this point too. Duh. And then ... God came flying down... one of the other guys said "leave her alone man she is just trying to enjoy her vacation. You are freaking her out." I know he saw Ashley I just know he did, but at that moment God used that man as a vessel to keep us safe Im sure he did. Then as if to let me know that this world is a scary place and just to finish off the "I hate my beauty" moment the creepy man leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Then started to walk really fast because Ashley stepped forward, haha. When I looked down at my hands they were shaking. I didnt want to be beautiful anymore.
----
I know a lot of history there sorry. But I kept reading on about beauty, and I made a realization. Beauty can be physical but the beauty we want people to see is who we are. What makes us good. What makes us sought after. We dont have to be gorgeous. It feels nice sometimes, but beauty is what we do for others, how we love someone, our compassion. Woman dont see this. They are caught up in the other kind of beauty, but God doesnt even see that beauty. He sees the true us. And I realized after reading this section that GOD is the one I want to think I am beautiful. He is the one that matters! I wish people knew that. I really do.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Captivating 10.4.2008
Captivating: An Irreplaceable Role in a Great Adventure
WOAH! Ok I am officially sure that this book was meant just for me!
"A woman is a warrior too."
I have this vision. I am a warrior. I ride on the back of a dragon. I have a sword. I have a bible. I am a woman. I fight the spiritual battles for God.
I fight scary things. But I know that it's ok. I know that I am needed and I know that God is always with me. These two things make it so I am never afraid!
"There is something fierce in the heart of a woman."
This is so true, but I have noticed it is a more gentle feircness. We defend. We protect. And if possible we save the feelings of everyone in the situation. Even if they were in the wrong. I mean this is not always true just a simple observation.
"We do not want the adventures merely for adventure's sake but for what it requires of us for others."
I have always had this feeling. That we are not put here to spend our lives alone. Or even for ourselves. We are meant to do things for others. We are here to help each other. What would be the point of spending our entire lives aquiring things for ourselves. What on earth would we do with that when its time to go. They can't come with us. I mean for some its all about what they can leave behind for their loved ones. That is unselfish I can understand that. However the selfish things we do to achieve that goal, that is where the problem is. People spend all their time working and never with their families and then in the end they give them a house, a car, some money, but they forgot to teach them about love, and the importance of giving. Then people dont want to be needed, they only want to need things.
Life is a wierd thing. Being me is a wierd thing. I want to be needed and I know people need me. But how do I get to them, and how do I get over my fears that make a constant block that divides me from them, and my relationship with God.
WOAH! Ok I am officially sure that this book was meant just for me!
"A woman is a warrior too."
I have this vision. I am a warrior. I ride on the back of a dragon. I have a sword. I have a bible. I am a woman. I fight the spiritual battles for God.
I fight scary things. But I know that it's ok. I know that I am needed and I know that God is always with me. These two things make it so I am never afraid!
"There is something fierce in the heart of a woman."
This is so true, but I have noticed it is a more gentle feircness. We defend. We protect. And if possible we save the feelings of everyone in the situation. Even if they were in the wrong. I mean this is not always true just a simple observation.
"We do not want the adventures merely for adventure's sake but for what it requires of us for others."
I have always had this feeling. That we are not put here to spend our lives alone. Or even for ourselves. We are meant to do things for others. We are here to help each other. What would be the point of spending our entire lives aquiring things for ourselves. What on earth would we do with that when its time to go. They can't come with us. I mean for some its all about what they can leave behind for their loved ones. That is unselfish I can understand that. However the selfish things we do to achieve that goal, that is where the problem is. People spend all their time working and never with their families and then in the end they give them a house, a car, some money, but they forgot to teach them about love, and the importance of giving. Then people dont want to be needed, they only want to need things.
Life is a wierd thing. Being me is a wierd thing. I want to be needed and I know people need me. But how do I get to them, and how do I get over my fears that make a constant block that divides me from them, and my relationship with God.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Captivating 09.27.2008
Captivating Chapter 1
September 27, 2008
The be desired...
It's so true. All woman want to be desired. Even after almost 2 years of marriage I still deeply want to be sought after and persued. When Dave doesn't declare his love for me, I find myself sad and wanting. I love being loved.
Does God persue me? Not in a romantic way. But... Does he persue me simply to love me? To show me his love and the love of others. How do I know? How do we feel God's love?
September 27, 2008
The be desired...
It's so true. All woman want to be desired. Even after almost 2 years of marriage I still deeply want to be sought after and persued. When Dave doesn't declare his love for me, I find myself sad and wanting. I love being loved.
Does God persue me? Not in a romantic way. But... Does he persue me simply to love me? To show me his love and the love of others. How do I know? How do we feel God's love?
Captivating cont'd
Captivating Chapter 1
September 25, 2008
A woman's heart! It is our core! It is the very center of our being!
"It is [our hearts] the source of all our creativity, courage, and our convictions. It is the fountainhead of our faith, our hope, and of course our love."
-Captivating
AMEN
The Lord made our hearts our core and there is something to be said about our hearts as woman! I'm not totally sure what it is, haha, but on this journey to discovery to what it means to be a woman, and more importantly what it means to be me, I will learn more about my heart. And the fact that my heart was place in this body, and this body happens to be a woman.
Thank you Lord
September 25, 2008
A woman's heart! It is our core! It is the very center of our being!
"It is [our hearts] the source of all our creativity, courage, and our convictions. It is the fountainhead of our faith, our hope, and of course our love."
-Captivating
AMEN
The Lord made our hearts our core and there is something to be said about our hearts as woman! I'm not totally sure what it is, haha, but on this journey to discovery to what it means to be a woman, and more importantly what it means to be me, I will learn more about my heart. And the fact that my heart was place in this body, and this body happens to be a woman.
Thank you Lord
Captivating
Captivating Chapter One
September 23, 2008
WOW! Understood. It drudges up. After reading just some of the first chapter I have to stop. It's so overwhelmingly true! I have to take a break, plus my husband wants to watch a movie, haha. Thank goodness... and outlet.
I feel so strange. She mentions how the church is one of the problems in keeping woman from understanding themselves and being ashamed for the parts of us that are so obviously... woman. At first I was mad at the church! Then I was stressed about all the woman who make it seem ok to feel inferior and to strive to be whatever everybody else wants. Then I was mad at myself! They don't know better, I told myself. The I thought Im such a basketcase... THEN... I read Unseen, Unsought, Uncertian! We all do this? I mean I was just being the 3 U's she was just talking about! Woman are so different from men, so complex. People always tell me we are all the same. We are NOT! And thank the Lord for that... but... What does it mean to be a woman?
Im so confused!
September 23, 2008
WOW! Understood. It drudges up. After reading just some of the first chapter I have to stop. It's so overwhelmingly true! I have to take a break, plus my husband wants to watch a movie, haha. Thank goodness... and outlet.
I feel so strange. She mentions how the church is one of the problems in keeping woman from understanding themselves and being ashamed for the parts of us that are so obviously... woman. At first I was mad at the church! Then I was stressed about all the woman who make it seem ok to feel inferior and to strive to be whatever everybody else wants. Then I was mad at myself! They don't know better, I told myself. The I thought Im such a basketcase... THEN... I read Unseen, Unsought, Uncertian! We all do this? I mean I was just being the 3 U's she was just talking about! Woman are so different from men, so complex. People always tell me we are all the same. We are NOT! And thank the Lord for that... but... What does it mean to be a woman?
Im so confused!
Captivating
My sister Ashley gave me this amazing book. She said, "it will change your life." Im fairly sure she said this because of her own personal experience with the book. I think it helped her change her life, discover herself in her relationship with God. All I can say is, "where can I sign up to learn more about myself as a woman, and as a woman of God, and help me understand my relationship with God?"
Ashley came to visit us not too long ago. I had gotten some silly gifts for her and laid them on her bed. Then she reached into her bag and handed me this awesome book with a magnetic cover that closes. I thought it was a journal. In my mind I was like, oh wow what an awesome journal. Then she told me what it was, "when I saw this I knew it was your copy of Captivating." I understood what she meant later because there are so many copies of the same book in different kinds of bindings. She knows me so well.
We had such an amazing time while she was here. The first night was probably my favorite. We layed on her bed in the spare bedroom. She had her iPod and those head phones that seperate and you have to cram in your ear, but never actually fit; Not my teeny tiny baby ears anyways. We each took one earpiece and crammed them into our ears. We had to hold them the entire time since they didnt properly fit, haha. We listened to so many songs, singing at the top of our lungs. David must have thought we were crazy, because only we could hear the music, and often times we had no idea what the lyrics were so he must have heard mumbles of confused song. I imagine it could have been quite funny.
We did this for hours. Some songs were fun, some made us cry, some were just blasts from the past. It was amazing, so simple, and yet so entertianing. The unlitmate hangout, which Ashley and I do, oh, so well.
It was hard to see her go. For all of us. 5 days she was here. Not long enough. I hope to go see her really soon though.
A few days after she left I decided it was time for me to start this amazing book. I also decided to take it slow. Read only as much as I could pray about in a good prayer with God. Which I discovered so far isnt much. It may take awhile but thats ok. I dont mind.
Captivating: Introduction
September, 21, 2008
Oh wow! Already I feel like this book was written just for me!
So many times I have picked up Christian books that are just for woman and find myself feeling inferior, incomplete, and not any better for having read the book. I gave up to be honest on most "Christian" books, because I was always feeling accused, but what I really wanted was fulfillment. Help even, in understanding my personal relationship with God.
Just the intro of captivating makes me feel like it has a lot to help me in my walk and give me strength and understanding.
"Beautiful Woman, ALL!"
All woman have their own gifts and as the author mentioned a list of 10 things may not apply to all woman. YAY! Someone gets it!
"For your heart is the prize of God's Kingdom, and Jesus has come to win you back for himslef - all of you."
All I can say is, "Yay, shall we read on?"
Ashley came to visit us not too long ago. I had gotten some silly gifts for her and laid them on her bed. Then she reached into her bag and handed me this awesome book with a magnetic cover that closes. I thought it was a journal. In my mind I was like, oh wow what an awesome journal. Then she told me what it was, "when I saw this I knew it was your copy of Captivating." I understood what she meant later because there are so many copies of the same book in different kinds of bindings. She knows me so well.
We had such an amazing time while she was here. The first night was probably my favorite. We layed on her bed in the spare bedroom. She had her iPod and those head phones that seperate and you have to cram in your ear, but never actually fit; Not my teeny tiny baby ears anyways. We each took one earpiece and crammed them into our ears. We had to hold them the entire time since they didnt properly fit, haha. We listened to so many songs, singing at the top of our lungs. David must have thought we were crazy, because only we could hear the music, and often times we had no idea what the lyrics were so he must have heard mumbles of confused song. I imagine it could have been quite funny.
We did this for hours. Some songs were fun, some made us cry, some were just blasts from the past. It was amazing, so simple, and yet so entertianing. The unlitmate hangout, which Ashley and I do, oh, so well.
It was hard to see her go. For all of us. 5 days she was here. Not long enough. I hope to go see her really soon though.
A few days after she left I decided it was time for me to start this amazing book. I also decided to take it slow. Read only as much as I could pray about in a good prayer with God. Which I discovered so far isnt much. It may take awhile but thats ok. I dont mind.
Captivating: Introduction
September, 21, 2008
Oh wow! Already I feel like this book was written just for me!
So many times I have picked up Christian books that are just for woman and find myself feeling inferior, incomplete, and not any better for having read the book. I gave up to be honest on most "Christian" books, because I was always feeling accused, but what I really wanted was fulfillment. Help even, in understanding my personal relationship with God.
Just the intro of captivating makes me feel like it has a lot to help me in my walk and give me strength and understanding.
"Beautiful Woman, ALL!"
All woman have their own gifts and as the author mentioned a list of 10 things may not apply to all woman. YAY! Someone gets it!
"For your heart is the prize of God's Kingdom, and Jesus has come to win you back for himslef - all of you."
All I can say is, "Yay, shall we read on?"
Intro
My name is Heather and I am a woman, a wife, a sister, a twin, a daughter, and so much more. I live in Portland, Oregon, with wonderful my husband Dave. I spend way too much time on the computer, haha, and miss my twin sister Ashley, who is a missionary in Mississippi, all the time. I do however live close to my eccentric and fantastic mother and my step Papa Brucie. I also live close to my Papa who owns a boat just down my way. Sailing is much fun. I am working on going back to school, finding a job, and building a better relationship with God. I have lots of hobbies. I like to draw, do graphics, and talk. I really like to talk. Which is interesting because I never blog. I want to start though. So here goes...
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