Today I miss the South... I miss the passion for Jesus that I met with! I miss seeing people MOVE in the Spirit!!! I remember our church and many of the churches around us, did a form of worship called praise dancing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6DDeoIAydk
It was so powerful to watch them. I cried the first time I ever saw it! I didn't know why it moved me to tears at the time, but it did... and it rocked my soul! Never had I seen anything that beautiful! Months later I was blessed to see it yet again... again I cried. I wanted to join them... I could feel my body pulling me toward them! Wanting to just dance for Jesus!
The more I saw of this the more I realized why it changed my life. Praise dancing takes your entire body. Not just your arms, or your eyes to lift in worship, but everything you have got! Including the air you breath in your lungs and the passion you exude as you move your body in the Holy Spirit! Every emotion, every muscle, every thought is wrapped up in giving God Glory and beauty!!!!
It is a representation of the way that I want to live my life!!! I want always to be a praise dancer for my amazing God! I want always to give everything that I have got! For HIM!!!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
God's Amazing Day!
Today was an amazing day. I woke up thinking I needed to go to Newport and run some errands… so when we woke up… we went! Since the beginning of the Lenten season Ashley has been doing her fast of obedience which has not only been an amazing experience for her but for me. For one it’s inspirational to watch God work through her in such a powerful way, and for two it is showing me that when we walk in what the Lord has for us, powerful things happen for the Kingdom! Ashley’s fast consist of following the voice of God to do something for someone each day! And it’s almost scary because she doesn’t always know what it will be when she wakes up. In fact not one time has she known yet. This would terrify me, and I can imagine she is in deep communion with God a lot in this process… lol.
Today… as we were driving down the road in Newport about to go to a salon so I could get my bushy eyebrows waxed… she said “I feel like God wants me to ask a perfect stranger if they need anything…” I was like WOW… that sounds intense… she laughed. I could tell she was feeling slightly tried at the moment, but she was willing, and that was beautiful to me =) So at the salon I was getting my eyebrows waxed by this wonderful woman named Roxann. She was so good at her job, and she had such a deep motherly instinct. She was very compassionate and if possible to be while waxing eyebrows, she was gentle.
When I was all done, we stood in the front and talked to her and her wonderfully adorable co-worker Kate. Who told me she is getting married in 6 months!!! We got to talking about God, and Roxann told us that God was the reason that she owned her shop! Ashley said “Oh… how is that?” She told us her story about how doors were being closed left and right on her in Portland. One day her brother called up and told her that there was a great little shop for sale in Newport. She told him she wasn’t interested in the coast… she would never live there. Well we all know what happens when we say never to God, lol. He will almost always work it out! HAHA… so there she found herself 10 years ago, and she has loved it ever since!!!
Ashley suddenly asked them if she could tell them a story. She began telling them all about her Lenten fast, and that on that particular day God had told her to ask a stranger if they needed anything. They both shrugged, and looked at her in an almost shock. And then Roxann said “You know what I could really use is a prayer. My husband is really sick… infact you could pray now… go ahead!” Ashley lit up!!! This was so what she knew God had for her today, you could see the joy from knowing that her and God were so in tune in that moment. I was excited to be there to just catch the glow of the Holy Spirit lifting off her as we all bowed our heads to hear the prayer that God was going to speak through Ashley. It was beautiful! Full of the Holy Spirit… full of Love, full of JESUS! God has such a heart for Roxann…
I was inspired. I realized that although sometimes it is scary to live in the things that God gives us… it is glorious! If we are able to push past the fear, then God can use us in mighty ways… and to know that God wants to use me… you… us… in these powerful healing and amazing moments makes little bumps of excitement pop up on my arm as I write it!
Today… as we were driving down the road in Newport about to go to a salon so I could get my bushy eyebrows waxed… she said “I feel like God wants me to ask a perfect stranger if they need anything…” I was like WOW… that sounds intense… she laughed. I could tell she was feeling slightly tried at the moment, but she was willing, and that was beautiful to me =) So at the salon I was getting my eyebrows waxed by this wonderful woman named Roxann. She was so good at her job, and she had such a deep motherly instinct. She was very compassionate and if possible to be while waxing eyebrows, she was gentle.
When I was all done, we stood in the front and talked to her and her wonderfully adorable co-worker Kate. Who told me she is getting married in 6 months!!! We got to talking about God, and Roxann told us that God was the reason that she owned her shop! Ashley said “Oh… how is that?” She told us her story about how doors were being closed left and right on her in Portland. One day her brother called up and told her that there was a great little shop for sale in Newport. She told him she wasn’t interested in the coast… she would never live there. Well we all know what happens when we say never to God, lol. He will almost always work it out! HAHA… so there she found herself 10 years ago, and she has loved it ever since!!!
Ashley suddenly asked them if she could tell them a story. She began telling them all about her Lenten fast, and that on that particular day God had told her to ask a stranger if they needed anything. They both shrugged, and looked at her in an almost shock. And then Roxann said “You know what I could really use is a prayer. My husband is really sick… infact you could pray now… go ahead!” Ashley lit up!!! This was so what she knew God had for her today, you could see the joy from knowing that her and God were so in tune in that moment. I was excited to be there to just catch the glow of the Holy Spirit lifting off her as we all bowed our heads to hear the prayer that God was going to speak through Ashley. It was beautiful! Full of the Holy Spirit… full of Love, full of JESUS! God has such a heart for Roxann…
I was inspired. I realized that although sometimes it is scary to live in the things that God gives us… it is glorious! If we are able to push past the fear, then God can use us in mighty ways… and to know that God wants to use me… you… us… in these powerful healing and amazing moments makes little bumps of excitement pop up on my arm as I write it!
GOD WANTS TO USE US!!!! God wants us to take a giant step, and not look back! God wants us to fix our gaze on him, so that we can finally for the first time see more clearly than we ever have! God has a job for us…
The more I realize this the more I realize God has so much to bless us with. More than I could ever repay… There is nothing that I could even come close to giving God, that would match what He has for us. He is in pursuit of my heart! He wants to fill us up so that we can be His warriors, and give hugs and share love on behalf of Jesus Christ!!! And in the meantime… we get to spend time with the greatest lover of our souls! The ultimate Father… the most magnificent friend! All I have to say… SIGN ME UP!!!! I’m there!!!
God wasn’t done. He had more people for us to meet and some beautiful images to share with us! We went to Waldport… just to see it. It’s a cute little place on the coast =) We rolled up to this little beach where you can see the Waldport bridge. When we first arrived nobody was there… And we were already taken by the beautiful things that God was showing us, sea lions playing, birds swimming and skimming across the ripples that you can sometimes see in the still water of a bay. I was very thankful for the camera that God blessed me with through Julie! I was using it to worship Him! To glorify his awesome creativity!
After we had been there a little bit a woman came out onto the beach with her beautiful dog… The dog came over to say hi, and I struck up a conversation with the owner. Ashley soon joined us, and before we knew it we were all deep in a conversation about the cuteness of her dog, the beauty of the bay… and then a little bit about her life story. We found out that she was an incredible woman, with an incredible story. She had already survived cancer! She was adopted! She had be reconciled with her real parents! Ashley and I were just so excited to be able to share a little Jesus with her and listen to her incredible story, that would honestly be worth sitting with her for hours to hear! God again had showed up in a huge way! Showed us his heart for someone else in this already overwhelmingly fantastic day!
Not over! We then met another guy… and his dog Simone. Gorgeous dog! At the same time that this conversation was going on the sun was setting behind the ocean and a small part of land. God was literally setting the sky ablaze with pinks, and oranges, and unimaginable colors that made you almost want to cry from seeing something that beautiful… something that… GOD! It turned out that this man had just had his heart broken after a 7 year relationship and was finding Waldport a very lonely place to be alone. I was thankful that God again showed us his heart for someone! I know I will be praying!
On the way home we stopped at another beach to run in the waves and feel the ocean kiss our feet! To be close to something that holds deeply the reality of what God is! Something so much bigger than us, full of mystery, and power!
Then I got to talk to Julie =) Who lifted me again, and we had a wonderful conversation about captivating and singleness. She told me something tonight that hit me hard. It’s not just about being happy in your singleness… its about what you do while you are single! What is God planning to do through you while you are single!? That is a good question!
I also got to talk to my new and wonderful friend from Canada, who has been a rich source of inspiration for me. He lives deeply in the love of Jesus Christ, and is allowing God to take him on a journey right now that has paralleled my life in an interesting way, and he has been used as a vessel to show me the love and pursuit of God for me… That God is doing a work in my heart, and has things for me to do! YAY!
I LOVE YOU LORD!!!!!! I LIFT MY HEART TO YOU!!!!!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Long Time No Bloggy
ONIONS
Hey it's me again! Hi hi. I know I know it's been forever! I just wasn't feelin' the blog thing for awhile. Really 'cause there isn't a bunch going on in my brain right now that I can fully understand or put words to. I do know that I love Mississippi! There is no doubt about that! I learn so much here. So much that I don't even know how to take it all in. One day I know Im just going to wake up and BAM like a year of info. is just gonna explode out of it's zipped up file and all of a sudden Im going to understand all these confusing things!Well I wanted to write and just say I think so many things are cool right now. I just dont know how to say they are. Like for example I learned something about onions!
Onions are kinda like us. They get their top chopped off and then you gotta peel all these crazy layers, some thicker and stickier than others, but before the layers go you have to slice off that skin. Which is the toughest part of all. You ever try cutting open a onion. Its really like this. Well guess what... SO ARE WE!? I didnt know that. Now I do. Also I didnt know that God wants to cut off the skin for me. But I keep resisting. Im not really sure how to not. Its like when someone gets really close to your eye and even though you may know it's coming and they are not going to hit you, you blink. It's like this reaction! So hard to shut it off. Even though I know God wont, and cant even hurt me, I keep flinching. Ive already let him take the top off, by getting saved, but that skin sheesh... I know when it does happen like when you peel an onion there will be tears! Tears of sadness, loss, sorrow, but also happiness, realization, joy and so much more!
Something else I learned. Jesus loves me. Yeah... he does. It's pretty cool. He loves me a lot infact. AND get this... HE THINKS IM BEAUTIFUL! Me... you hear that. To God Im BEAUTIFUL!
And Im tired. Goodnight my fair fans.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Captivating 10.20.2008
Captivating Chapter 1: By Way of the Heart
The end of Chapter 1... wow only 1 chapter and already I see why this book is an important part of my life. Sometimes though as I'm reading it I think to myself. Am I really ready to find out who I am. To discover me. Because what if I do and it is someone different than I thought I was. It scares me. Because how will I be able to fulfill the new found needs Im already starting to feel. How will I make my life more what I want it to be. How do I be strong. How to do all this and still feel fulfilled and happy. WOW. ok!
but none the less... i found myself reading
"You can find that life- If you are willing to embark on a great adventure."
I wrote in my book. Sure! Lets begin! without even thinking about it. So as scared as I feel I must be willing and ready because I already confirmed that in my writing in the book. SO...
LETS BEGIN!
The end of Chapter 1... wow only 1 chapter and already I see why this book is an important part of my life. Sometimes though as I'm reading it I think to myself. Am I really ready to find out who I am. To discover me. Because what if I do and it is someone different than I thought I was. It scares me. Because how will I be able to fulfill the new found needs Im already starting to feel. How will I make my life more what I want it to be. How do I be strong. How to do all this and still feel fulfilled and happy. WOW. ok!
but none the less... i found myself reading
"You can find that life- If you are willing to embark on a great adventure."
I wrote in my book. Sure! Lets begin! without even thinking about it. So as scared as I feel I must be willing and ready because I already confirmed that in my writing in the book. SO...
LETS BEGIN!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Captivating 10.18.2008
Captivating: The Heart of a Man
Ok so this may be the first and most dissapointing chapter for me... Im don't mean that people arent like this but so far in my life there is only 1 man, if he so be called that, that is that way and that is JESUS... I have never in my life met a man like this chapter explains. Not my Dad, my brother, my other dad, or... my husband. None of them have these male qualities that are explained. I dont know if I'm supposed to be sad that I dont know a man like this, or annoyed that maybe this section isnt true. I just dont know. Jesus is like that though. He is my HERO!
Ok so this may be the first and most dissapointing chapter for me... Im don't mean that people arent like this but so far in my life there is only 1 man, if he so be called that, that is that way and that is JESUS... I have never in my life met a man like this chapter explains. Not my Dad, my brother, my other dad, or... my husband. None of them have these male qualities that are explained. I dont know if I'm supposed to be sad that I dont know a man like this, or annoyed that maybe this section isnt true. I just dont know. Jesus is like that though. He is my HERO!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Captivating 10.07.2008
Captivating: Beauty to Unveil
This section was hard for me to swallow. Instantly the word beauty is like cold ice running down my back. I mean its there and then its gone its this and its that. It makes you feel good an hurts you at the same time. Beauty is a farce. Right? Well now I dont know. I mean beauty I guess gets a bad wrap because in our society we make it more of a physical thing. Beauty is how you wear your hair, the clothes you wear and how much they cost, the size of your waste, the bulge of da bust. I mean beauty has always been to me something I want but in the end felt bad about trying so deeply to achieve.
Beauty is girls and handsome is boys. Beauty is pink, and sparkles, and... blonde.
Beauty has made me terribly sad when I didnt have "it". I used to cry, I used to cover the mirror in my bathroom because I didnt want to see myself get out of the shower. I got to the point where everytime I walked past a mirror I would make a crazy face at it so I didnt have to deal with the fact that I really didnt like my own face. How is this feeling good!? Why would I want to achieve it? I DONT KNOW I JUST DO!!
Then one day I lost loads of weight. I was sick, sick as a dog. For months. I couldnt eat. 6 months of this. And BAM... a princess was born! I felt like crap all the time but I sang and danced everywhere! I was "BEAUTIFUL". I was a size 6-8 my face was thin. I was losing hair by the handfuls because I had no nutrition in my body but WOW I looked not too shabby when I walked past that mirror.
What did this get me? Creepy guys. So very many creepy guys. I remember in England Ashley and I were walking down the road and these guys approached us. One of them got uncomfertabley close and started asking me questions. Ashley the amazing sister she is got in full protection mode. But these guys were so toasted they didnt really seem to notice Ashley's mood change to guardian sister. One guy said "what you do for..." and made a gesture. I pretended to not understand. He said it again. My stomach started to curl. I was totally freaked out. I knew Ash would try and do something if things started to get worse and I didnt want her to get hurt. And I was clearly worried about other things at this point too. Duh. And then ... God came flying down... one of the other guys said "leave her alone man she is just trying to enjoy her vacation. You are freaking her out." I know he saw Ashley I just know he did, but at that moment God used that man as a vessel to keep us safe Im sure he did. Then as if to let me know that this world is a scary place and just to finish off the "I hate my beauty" moment the creepy man leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Then started to walk really fast because Ashley stepped forward, haha. When I looked down at my hands they were shaking. I didnt want to be beautiful anymore.
----
I know a lot of history there sorry. But I kept reading on about beauty, and I made a realization. Beauty can be physical but the beauty we want people to see is who we are. What makes us good. What makes us sought after. We dont have to be gorgeous. It feels nice sometimes, but beauty is what we do for others, how we love someone, our compassion. Woman dont see this. They are caught up in the other kind of beauty, but God doesnt even see that beauty. He sees the true us. And I realized after reading this section that GOD is the one I want to think I am beautiful. He is the one that matters! I wish people knew that. I really do.
This section was hard for me to swallow. Instantly the word beauty is like cold ice running down my back. I mean its there and then its gone its this and its that. It makes you feel good an hurts you at the same time. Beauty is a farce. Right? Well now I dont know. I mean beauty I guess gets a bad wrap because in our society we make it more of a physical thing. Beauty is how you wear your hair, the clothes you wear and how much they cost, the size of your waste, the bulge of da bust. I mean beauty has always been to me something I want but in the end felt bad about trying so deeply to achieve.
Beauty is girls and handsome is boys. Beauty is pink, and sparkles, and... blonde.
Beauty has made me terribly sad when I didnt have "it". I used to cry, I used to cover the mirror in my bathroom because I didnt want to see myself get out of the shower. I got to the point where everytime I walked past a mirror I would make a crazy face at it so I didnt have to deal with the fact that I really didnt like my own face. How is this feeling good!? Why would I want to achieve it? I DONT KNOW I JUST DO!!
Then one day I lost loads of weight. I was sick, sick as a dog. For months. I couldnt eat. 6 months of this. And BAM... a princess was born! I felt like crap all the time but I sang and danced everywhere! I was "BEAUTIFUL". I was a size 6-8 my face was thin. I was losing hair by the handfuls because I had no nutrition in my body but WOW I looked not too shabby when I walked past that mirror.
What did this get me? Creepy guys. So very many creepy guys. I remember in England Ashley and I were walking down the road and these guys approached us. One of them got uncomfertabley close and started asking me questions. Ashley the amazing sister she is got in full protection mode. But these guys were so toasted they didnt really seem to notice Ashley's mood change to guardian sister. One guy said "what you do for..." and made a gesture. I pretended to not understand. He said it again. My stomach started to curl. I was totally freaked out. I knew Ash would try and do something if things started to get worse and I didnt want her to get hurt. And I was clearly worried about other things at this point too. Duh. And then ... God came flying down... one of the other guys said "leave her alone man she is just trying to enjoy her vacation. You are freaking her out." I know he saw Ashley I just know he did, but at that moment God used that man as a vessel to keep us safe Im sure he did. Then as if to let me know that this world is a scary place and just to finish off the "I hate my beauty" moment the creepy man leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Then started to walk really fast because Ashley stepped forward, haha. When I looked down at my hands they were shaking. I didnt want to be beautiful anymore.
----
I know a lot of history there sorry. But I kept reading on about beauty, and I made a realization. Beauty can be physical but the beauty we want people to see is who we are. What makes us good. What makes us sought after. We dont have to be gorgeous. It feels nice sometimes, but beauty is what we do for others, how we love someone, our compassion. Woman dont see this. They are caught up in the other kind of beauty, but God doesnt even see that beauty. He sees the true us. And I realized after reading this section that GOD is the one I want to think I am beautiful. He is the one that matters! I wish people knew that. I really do.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Captivating 10.4.2008
Captivating: An Irreplaceable Role in a Great Adventure
WOAH! Ok I am officially sure that this book was meant just for me!
"A woman is a warrior too."
I have this vision. I am a warrior. I ride on the back of a dragon. I have a sword. I have a bible. I am a woman. I fight the spiritual battles for God.
I fight scary things. But I know that it's ok. I know that I am needed and I know that God is always with me. These two things make it so I am never afraid!
"There is something fierce in the heart of a woman."
This is so true, but I have noticed it is a more gentle feircness. We defend. We protect. And if possible we save the feelings of everyone in the situation. Even if they were in the wrong. I mean this is not always true just a simple observation.
"We do not want the adventures merely for adventure's sake but for what it requires of us for others."
I have always had this feeling. That we are not put here to spend our lives alone. Or even for ourselves. We are meant to do things for others. We are here to help each other. What would be the point of spending our entire lives aquiring things for ourselves. What on earth would we do with that when its time to go. They can't come with us. I mean for some its all about what they can leave behind for their loved ones. That is unselfish I can understand that. However the selfish things we do to achieve that goal, that is where the problem is. People spend all their time working and never with their families and then in the end they give them a house, a car, some money, but they forgot to teach them about love, and the importance of giving. Then people dont want to be needed, they only want to need things.
Life is a wierd thing. Being me is a wierd thing. I want to be needed and I know people need me. But how do I get to them, and how do I get over my fears that make a constant block that divides me from them, and my relationship with God.
WOAH! Ok I am officially sure that this book was meant just for me!
"A woman is a warrior too."
I have this vision. I am a warrior. I ride on the back of a dragon. I have a sword. I have a bible. I am a woman. I fight the spiritual battles for God.
I fight scary things. But I know that it's ok. I know that I am needed and I know that God is always with me. These two things make it so I am never afraid!
"There is something fierce in the heart of a woman."
This is so true, but I have noticed it is a more gentle feircness. We defend. We protect. And if possible we save the feelings of everyone in the situation. Even if they were in the wrong. I mean this is not always true just a simple observation.
"We do not want the adventures merely for adventure's sake but for what it requires of us for others."
I have always had this feeling. That we are not put here to spend our lives alone. Or even for ourselves. We are meant to do things for others. We are here to help each other. What would be the point of spending our entire lives aquiring things for ourselves. What on earth would we do with that when its time to go. They can't come with us. I mean for some its all about what they can leave behind for their loved ones. That is unselfish I can understand that. However the selfish things we do to achieve that goal, that is where the problem is. People spend all their time working and never with their families and then in the end they give them a house, a car, some money, but they forgot to teach them about love, and the importance of giving. Then people dont want to be needed, they only want to need things.
Life is a wierd thing. Being me is a wierd thing. I want to be needed and I know people need me. But how do I get to them, and how do I get over my fears that make a constant block that divides me from them, and my relationship with God.
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